Sorry, Nolan Finley: Ailing Ted Nugent did not summon Kid Rock to 'pass the torch'

April 22, 2021, 3:12 PM

You have to have a sense of humor to understand satire, but no one ever accused Detroit News editorial page editor Nolan Finley of that. 

And that's how Finley got punked by the music-satire site The Hard Times (think Babylon Bee or the Onion), which "reported" on Ted Nugent's Covid-19 diagnosis this way:

Ted Nugent, bed-ridden from his recent COVID-19 diagnosis, called upon fellow Michigan far-right musician Kid Rock to discuss the apparent plan of succession to the ailing Motor City Madman, sources close to the situation confirmed.

“I’ve summoned Kid Rock to my royal chambers, as merely a means of protocol,” said a maskless Nugent while struggling to breathe. “Concerns about my health have been overstated. Brother, the doctors can tell me I have the Coronavirus all they want, but I don’t buy it. What’s next, they’re going to tell me I’m too sick to wail on my guitar? Fuck no. But out of an abundance of caution, I want to ensure that there’s a smooth transition when the time comes to ascend to the highest throne of rock. Whether it is threatening elected officials, taking a near-sexual pleasure from killing animals, or engaging in inappropriate relationships with adolescent girls, Kid must be ready to lead by these principles.”

This prompted Finley to add an item to his Nolan Out Loud daily newsletter, which also serves as a digest of the paper's daily editorial page product, most of which is paywalled. It read: 

Nobody does COVID-19 like Ted Nugent. The Motor City Madman is down with the virus, and summoned his buddy and fellow Detroit rocker Kid Rock to his bedside for a symbolic passing of the torch should he not recover.

What do you think convinced him it was real? This "fan" "quote?"

"I’m guessing this is nothing more than a case of cat scratch fever baby! Nothing stops The Nuge."

Whatever. Sad trombone, and hats off to Metro Times editor Lee DeVito, who found and tweeted this. 

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